A Quest for Sanity

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On a regular basis I live in complete contrast of my own Self, but lately I have really tried hard to combine my polarity into one body/mind/spirit.  It hasn’t been easy, but I have found that it has really set people on edge a bit.  We get used to others acting a certain way and it comforts us when we know we can count on them to behave just as we expected them to act.  But for me, lately, I’ve really delved into a ‘minimalist’ belief system, which makes compartmentalizing myself (myselves?) is too much work. 

For instance, recently my significant other asked me if he should buy something that was fairly expensive.  I totally appreciate the fact that he let me in on the entire process instead of running out a spending the money, and when I told him I was fine with his decision to make the purchase, I was surprised at what happened next.  He kept asking me if I thought he should do it.  “Did I not say ‘Go for it!'”?

I was faced with the same type of dilemma twice this week – one from a coworker, another from my mother.  I simply listened and didn’t extract an opinion or offer any advice.  I know I annoyed both with my constant answer of “What do you want to do?” when they asked “What do you think I should do?”

The point is…a step I’m taking to minimize the drama factor in my life, as well as simplify it, is to not own what isn’t mine to own.  This is why therapy is so helpful 🙂  I have learned I do not have to take responsibility for someone else’s actions…nor do I constantly have to repeat myself to be heard.  One of the above mentioned people said “You don’t seem to be very supportive” while another one just got pissed and stopped really speaking to me.  When I questioned the first one on why it seemed I wasn’t supportive the answer I got really comes down, translated by me,  to the fact that all these people are used to me being a control freak and telling everyone what to do.  But stepping back, not owning their issue, and refusing to accept responsibility for decisions that aren’t mine to make…I felt more in control than ever.  The point is…they didn’t know how to handle my lack of bossiness, even though, in reality, I was totally being more supportive than ever.  In fact, by not making the decisions for them or giving them advise or using the dreaded ‘should’ word (You SHOULD blah blah blah which really translate into “Live your life like I live mine and all will be well.”)…I could sleep at night.

So the point of today’s post is to relay what I’ve done so far on my quest to regain my sanity as I relate to my true Self.  I hope you can learn from the following:

1)  Don’t take it personally.  I couldn’t understand why someone I love and support would say “You don’t seem very supportive” but when I stepped back and ‘wore’ that statement for a while I realized 1) That’s ludicrous.  I’m extremely supportive…which led to…2) Don’t take that personally – its them, not me.

2)  Don’t own someone else’s issue.  Probably the most beneficial statement I learned to say outloud – and actually believe – is “That sounds like your issue, not mine.”  I’ve used it twice with my S.O. – quickly gaining an apology – and I say it under my breath every damn day at work.  Recently someone said to me “I bet you wish I’d just die” which made me think “Wow!  If you knew me at all you’d know thats the last thing I’d wish on anyone…so that sounds like an issue you have to deal with, not one that’s my problem.”  God…how wonderfully freeing.

3) Silence is not to be feared.  This is probably the hardest for me.  To not say anything at all, or worse, to say “What do you want to do?” when asked “What should I do?” is HARD for a type A virgo problem solver control freak.  But I felt sooooo good after I said it that I’m going to keep saying it.  Get used to it.

In retrospect, maybe I should have told these people I was making a change.  But that’s the beauty in change.  You never realize its taking place until one day you hop out of the cocoon believing you are dirt bound and sudddenly, you can fly.  It’s so much better than crawling, wormlike, on the ground.  Trust me, its also a lot more humorous.

-DGJ-

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Evolution

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Well, it’s official.  I am leaving the massage therapy profession.  First, before sigh and go looking for another therapist…let me explain.

I started in the business when it was fresh and new.  It was lucrative and it was exciting.  It can still be lucrative and exciting, but my desires have come full circle.  I really entered into this profession because it seemed like a great way to teach people about the effects of chronic stress and help them to manage their stress so that it didn’t manifest itself in their bodies as a stress-related disease (i.e. depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, insomnia, etc.).  I also had just been fired from my job and was fortunate to have the massage therapy license ‘to fall back on’.  As it turns out, I ‘fell back on it’ and it was my life for several years as I built a very beautiful and very successful practice.

But people change.  And I have changed.  I have other desires that are people focused as well as fulfilling to me.  I still want to help people…to teach people…and be self employed.

So, the Relaxation Specialist will evolve over time, as I have evolved over time.  I plan to dabble in my ‘now hobby’ of aromatherapy and skin care products…I plan to develop my life coaching business…I plan to live yoga, not just practice yoga…and I plan to be mindful in all that I do.

And being mindful in all that I do led me to the choice to stop practicing massage therapy as a business

Will I still do a massage here and there?  Most likely.  I’m still licensed…and I can still practice.  But for the most part, I will be recommending that my clients seek out other, outstanding, therapists who are better able to help them because its what they LOVE to do.

So…stick around, though, and don’t forget to subscribe.  I will be adding new flavors and faire to this site as the year progresses.  Also, in April, the Life Coaching business should be up and running.  I look forward to helping you reach your goals.

Peace and love…

D

Life at the speed of light…

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I’ve been reading a lot lately about how a fast paced lifestyle is actually very unproductive (Thank you, Leo).  With my background and education in business, I find it interesting how much emphasis hiring managers place on the  ‘ability to multi-task’ as if it is some magical skill one must possess in order to be effective.  Actually, research has determined those who multi-task continuously are LESS productive than someone who can focus on one task at a time.

I admit, I can manage multiple projects and even multiple lifestyles effectively.  I am a massage therapist, a life coach, and a data manager at a local hospital.  I find I get bored very easily with one project so I move to another and I am more fulfilled throughout the day.  I could NEVER sit and do data entry all day long for 8 hours every day of my life.  I would die from boredom.  But, I used to be exhausted after work and still feel like I accomplished absolutely nothing in a 10 hour period of time.

But recently, I have not been multi-tasking, even when I am managing multiple projects.  I have been creating task lists every day, and working a task until I’m finished, or just can’t do it anymore that day.  And you know what…they are right.  I’m getting more done and I’m doing a better job.

I invite you to stop.  Breathe.  Pick one thing you want to accomplish today and work on that until it is finished.  Today, I’m just going to go get a haircut.  That’s all I’m going to do.  Everything else is a bonus, if I do something productive at all.  Normally, my weekend to do list would have, like, 15 things on it…and I’d accomplish a little of everything, but nothing would really get done.  So, today I get a haircut.  I may even take a little nap-a-roo. Tomorrow I vacuum the floors and sofas.  That’s my weekend.  What does yours look like??

A New Year, A New Look…

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Wow.  2011. Remember when we all hunkered down over a decade ago with our stockpiles of canned goods and bottled water waiting on the worst?  Funny how 90% of what we worry about never comes to fruition, huh?

Last year I worried about everything.  I worried about dying…living…losing weight….gaining weight…saving money…downsizing…up-sizing….getting married…staying married…keeping my business open…selling my business and then about how to grow my business.  This year I vowed to “Just Be.”

Also, I knew that if I really wanted to keep ‘doing massage’ then I was going to have to focus on what I loved about it in the beginning.  In the beginning everything was new and exciting to learn.  After 12 years, I’ve grown a bit stagnant.  As with everything, an evolution is taking place within me, as a person, and of course that will overflow into my business…

So, I started here.

This is a new look for me.  I decided to change the look and feel when I realized my old website hadn’t been updated for nearly a year and that site traffic was down.  I also wanted to focus more this year on educating my clients and friends on the subjects of relaxation, voluntary simplicity, debt-free living and the dangers of consumerism, in general.

I decided on a blog-like format for my website so that I could make weekly updates, link it to my Facebook page, and also write about the subjects I believe could help you in finding a bit of tranquility.

You have the option to subscribe, which I hope you will.  And to forward this on to others…which I hope you will.  And you can leave comments…which I hope you will.

May you be blessed abundantly this year with good health and good times!

Peace,

Denise